Ask Sophie - intuitive life coach

Why ANGER is good for you

05/04/2015 22:32

How many of us would openly admit to having anger issues? Not many.

Anger includes obvious aggressive outbursts to sarcasm, evasiveness and criticism (passive anger). That would suggest that the world's population has anger issues of some description!

What is the purpose of anger and how can it be beneficial for us?

According to Sheila Videbeck anger is "a normal emotion that involves a strong uncomfortable and emotional response to a perceived provocation". Anger is a primal emotion. Anger can be used to control, manipulate or abuse. Anger is often used as a display of power, dominance or dissatisfaction. It is an emotion often motivated by fear only to provoke fear in others. Aggressive demonstrations of anger are condemned by society yet subtle ones are often overlooked. Anyone brave enough to call out passive aggressive behaviour is labelled either paranoid or overly sensitive. Being on the receiving end of someone's anger is not pleasant nor acceptable. However the real reason behind anger is often misunderstood. Anger sadly gets a bad reputation.

Perperual containment of anger often proves counterproductive and ill for both the angered and his/her potential victims. Bottling up any emotion is both tiring, unhealthy and often causes the deterioration of one's health (and mind!). It makes us emotionally disconnected not only from ourselves but from others. We become numb, indifferent and lacking in empathy. So, in effect feeling angry is actually good for you!

One major caveat, whilst there's no shame in accepting that you're angry, that doesn't warrant a person any rights to unleash their wrath on anyone. It is your emotions and not something that should be pushed onto others. Better to take responsibility for our own feeiings and be considerate toward others.

Where does anger come from? 

Quite simply, fear. Anger is a cloaking emotion for fear. Fear of rejection, being threatened, considered inadequate or unlovable. Many are uncomfortable with getting in touch with fear that they'd rather be angry, project that anger in order to instill fear in others. In other words, they are evading responsibility and passing the buck. They'd rather get someone else to feel their feelings of fear rather than experience it themselves. Therefore the more angry one is the more scared they actually are! Food for thought next time you come across an angry person. Anger is an indicator that something within you is wrong and you need to go deep. At the core it may be due to having unrealistic and selfish expectations of others that aren't being met. Or it may be due to severe emotional pain inflicted from childhood. Whatever the reason, it is not something that should be ignored or minimised. Anger needs to be felt, expressed and released like every other emotion. So when Mr Angry comes banging on your door, don't ignore him. Find a private moment to unleash your rage; scream into a pillow, go for a run, write it all down, do whatever feels right for you. Unblocking your anger unlocks true peace and happiness.

Sophie x




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